Passing By

Like ships in the night
You keep passing me by
Just wasting time trying to prove who’s right
And if it all goes crashing into the sea
When its just you and me
Trying to find the light
Like ships in the night
– Matt Kearney

I often feel as though I’m trying my hardest to achieve a certain level of humanity, and then I fail. I constantly try to put my best foot forward and attain what most people would esteem – grades, appearance, making a website, giving advice. However, when the “return on investment” or response I get back from things I’m trying at is negative, I feel as though I’ve failed.

Its at these times when I have to ask myself exactly why I feel this way. And I know its because I desire that acceptance from others. I desire it so much that sometimes it grows to the point where I can’t even handle thinking about doing something that I fear won’t measure up to what people expect.

But seeking approval and acceptance from other people never actually ends up satisfying anyone because we can’t satisfy each other. I cannot be God to someone else, nor can they be him to me. When we try to fulfill this desire in each other’s lives, we end up missing the mark, just passing by each other on our way to where we are going. David sings about finding his strength in God in Psalm 46:1-3…

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

If God is my refuge and my strength, then I shouldn’t fear other people denying their approval or denying me the satisfaction of knowing that I did something that pleased them. However, I still do. And it is in this realization I find myself just passing by what I actually desire.

Constantly seeking satisfaction in others leads me to believe that I can do this life on my own – and I couldn’t be more mislead. Clearly I can’t, as I always end up “lost at sea” when I try.

And so, I suppose, this post just shows that I’m learning and being convicted.
Slowly growing to learn more about myself each day.
Constantly being humbled into my place.
Making mistakes.

And I hope that, in some strange way, that encourages you. Maybe you’re going through what I am, or maybe you’re just in a tight place. Whatever the season of life, you can still change your target from people, success, or self worth to something that gives you what you need when you need it.

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